S01W05 DREADBALL RECAP: IT’S GO-TIME
September 8, 2014 (Dreadball Coverage)
Players Wanted Dreadball League Season 1 : Final Week Recap
|1||Damage Control||Duncan||23||43||Forge Fathers|
|2||Dark Side of Dredd||Henry||22||23||Teratons|
|4||Central Red Army||Daniel||19||19||Z’zors|
|8||Smash and Bash||Matteo||16||-11||Orx & Goblinz|
|9||Chaos Dunk||Joseph||14||-11||Forge Fathers|
|11||Thunder Clap||Chad||12||3||Forge Fathers|
|14||Get Off My Lawn!||Charlie||11||-4||Humans (F)|
|16||SBFF Valkyries||Vincent||11||-23||Humans (F)|
The season comes to a close as the top 8 teams have settled into their final rankings.
Shaolin Scumbags took to the field this week against SBFF Valkyries. The Valkyries had a must-win double-landslide week to have a shot at the playoffs, whereas the Shaolin Scumbags simply needed a win to secure their spot in the playoffs. The Valkyries, injured and bruised, tried to put up as much as a fight as they could, but the Shaolin Scumbags showed no mercy as they pummeled the Valkyries into the ground. The aftermath: Landslide victories for the Shaolin Scumbags.
The second must-win game of the week was Chaos Dunk versus Dark Side of Dredd. The Dark Side of Dredd had already secured their playoff spot but wanted the #1 seed in the Crimson Division. This week, the fans were amazed to see The Enforcer take to the pitch on the Chaos Dunk side. The coach of Chaos Dunk must have spent quite a bit to secure the fastest guard in the entire galaxy for this series. The Dark Side players were up to the challenge as 3 Dark Side players kept The Enforcer in check all game. Game 1 ended with a 2-point strike from the Dark Side of Dredd team. Game 2 saw the Dark Side of Dredd completely dominate the now desperate Chaos Dunk. In a division that isn’t known for mercy, even The Enforcer was unable to stop the onslaught of the Dark Side players; Landslide victory for Dark Side of Dredd. Chaos Dunk drops to 9th position and doesn’t make the playoff cut. Chaos Dunk will need to regroup for next season.
This week was another showing for the #1 Seed Damage Control against the last place Stormbringers. Fans were expecting a slaughter, and they were not let down. The Stormbringers took to the pitch with a couple of free agents. In fact, it was rookie free agent Philippe that dodged the oncoming dwarves, and scored a 3-point strike to start the game. Fans were ecstatic! Scouts were paying heavy attention. However, Damage Control exercised tried and true tactics to crush the Stormbringers. The inexperience of the rookie players for the Stormbringers showed heavily as they were unable to handle the physical presence of Damage Control. Game 1 ended 6-0 in favor of the dwarves, and Game 2 ended in a convincing landslide. There is potential for the Stormbringers, but they’ll have to wait until next season to show what they can do.
The Central Red Army versus the Handsomebots was a relatively quick series. The bots have been struggling all season to perform. Many blame the coaches, some blame the mechanics. Any debugging would have to over the off-season as the Central Red Army won the first game 3-0. The Handsomebot jacks showed clear signs of malfunction as they kept falling over as they tried to score. Game 2 was the quickest game to date, with many of the Handsomebots unable to fully function. The Central Red Army land-slided in the fifth rush of the game to secure #2 seed in the Obsidian Division. Hopefully we will see a new firmware update for the Robots next season.
The #1 and #2 teams took to the field against each other to determine who deserved to represent the Alabastar Division as the top seed. The Colossalnauts had an uphill battle as the Superstar Guard, Rosie of the Crickettes ran amok on the pitch. Game 1, the game stayed very close until the final rushes of the game where the Crickettes locked down the Human strikers preventing them from scoring. The speed of the Z’zor strikers proved to be the deciding factor of the game as the Crickettes take it by 5. In Game 2, the Colossalnaut coached devised a devious plan to destroy Rosie. He called an audible and 3 Human guards rushed Rosie, looking to squash her like a… bug. However, the Crickettes coach saw it coming and readied her star player for the counterstrike. Rosie dodged the assassination attempt and locked up all 3 Human guards for the rest of the game. With all the attention on the physical players, #14 Flo snuck behind all of the Human players and scored a 3-point strike, breaking the deadlock and winning the series. The Crickettes look to be a fan favorite as they enter the playoffs as the #3 overall seed and the Colossalnauts barely make the playoff cut.
Tune in on Thursday for the playoff bracket and the post-season festivities! The League will be taking a one-week break as the teams gear-up for the post-season run.
S01W04 DREADBALL RECAP: I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW
September 2, 2014 (Dreadball Coverage)
Players Wanted Dreadball League Week 4 Recap
|1||Damage Control||Duncan||18||31||Forge Fathers|
|2||Dark Side of Dredd||Henry||17||14||Teratons|
|6||Central Red Army||Daniel||14||9||Z’zors|
|8||Chaos Dunk||Joseph||13||-2||Forge Fathers|
|10||Smash and Bash||Matteo||12||-11||Orx & Goblinz|
|11||Thunder Clap||Chad||10||3||Forge Fathers|
|14||Get Off My Lawn!||Charlie||9||-4||Humans (F)|
|16||SBFF Valkyries||Vincent||7||-23||Humans (F)|
The playoff picture is beginning to come into focus after a tumultuous week of jockeying for position. After the final week, we will be taking a break week for coaches to train their teams and get them prepared for the best of 3 playoff games. For those not making the playoffs, do not worry as we’ve got something special planned! We will be closing out the final week of games with a closing ceremony where we will award the Striker Award and a playoff speech.
The Crimson Division suffered from quite a few delays as the only game that wasn’t cancelled was the Shaolin Scumbags verses SBFF Valkyries.
The Valkyries had two must-win games this week up against the surging Shaolin Scumbags. The teams were fairly matched until Hrist, the only Valkyrie Striker was sent to the sin bin from a questionable sucker-punch foul. The Shaolin Scumbag looked ecstatic as the Scumbags closed the game with a landslide victory. Game 2 was more of the same as the referees were quick to penalize the Valkyrie players. Fan outcry fell on deaf ears as all of the Valkyrie ball-handlers were sent to the sin bin. The Scumbags seal the game out with another landslide victory. It’s going to take a miracle for the Scumbags not to make the playoffs!
The Con Malamaris players are still recovering from their accident, resulting in a default win for Chaos Dunk. The Thunder Clap team was unable to be reached. League officials are investigating their whereabouts.
The powerhouse Damage Control took on the struggling Handsomebots. After their amazing week 2 performance, the Handsomebots have not shown us their spectacular play again. The game stayed close up until the dying moments as Dunphy nailed a buzzer beating 3-point strike to end the game stealing the victory away from the Handsomebots. Game 2 took a turn for the worse as the Handsomebots were helpless to the full-on aggression play of Damage Control. Damage Control seals a landslide victory while Handsomebots suffer 2 casualties.
Tenta Cools and the Central Red Army took to the field to settle who deserves to go to the playoffs as the Obsidian Division’s second seed. Game 1 had strikes flying back and forth. The Tenta Cools built their lead and attempted to close out the game with a landslide victory but the Central Red Army successfully defended against it. Game 2 had the highlight of the week. With a 4-point lead, the Central Red Army was sure to win the game, but Tenta Cools Chaymar, spurred on by his coaches, leapt into the Red Army’s 4-point strike-zone and buried a game-tying shot in the face of the Red Army’s terrifying Keeper. Alas, with all of Tenta Cools players too worn out, the Red Army marched on and scored the 1-point strike to win the game in overtime.
The Stormbringers and Capsule Corp were unable to play their game as the Capsule Corp players had to catch their transport flight.
The Crickettes and Smash and Bash headlined a true slugfest as both teams took to the field. After 12 rushes of dogpiling, followed by two longshot plays, the Crickettes failed to score any points. The Smash and Bash team was able to secure a 1-point strike on the 14th rush to win the game. The Crickettes lost #6 Clara as her implants were salvaged. Game 2 saw the Crickettes mount a comeback as they were able to finally shake the scoring troubles. Smash and Bash found themselves outgunned and finally fell to the Crickettes. The Crickettes had secured second seed with this win, with next week possibly cementing their first seed position. Smash and Bash need to score some huge wins next week to make it to the playoffs.
The Colossalnauts and the Assassin’s Charge took to the field. Both teams still within playoff contention. The focus was on physicality as the Assassin’s Charge players and Colossalnauts traded casualties on both sides. The Colossalnauts squeeked out a 2-point win. Game 2 saw both teams focus on scoring instead of slamming, however Assassin Charge jacks were unable to score a single strike all game, as the Colossalnauts closed out the game with a landslide, pushing them to the #1 seed this week.
Get Off My Lawn and Rat Queens were unable to play their games this week, resulting in the first ever double default loss.
No team has locked down their playoff seeds however, quite a few teams were eliminated from contention. Tune in next week for our final week recap!
S01W03 DREADBALL RECAP: ORGANIZATIONAL WOES
August 27, 2014 (Dreadball Coverage)
Players Wanted Dreadball League – Week 3 Recap
|1||Damage Control||Duncan||13||23||Forge Fathers|
|2||Dark Side of Dredd||Henry||13||14||Teratons|
|3||Central Red Army||Daniel||11||14||Z’zors|
|10||Chaos Dunk||Joseph||9||-2||Forge Fathers|
|11||Smash and Bash||Matteo||9||-9||Orx & Goblinz|
|12||Thunder Clap||Chad||8||3||Forge Fathers|
|14||Get Off My Lawn!||Charlie||7||-4||Humans (F)|
|16||SBFF Valkyries||Vincent||7||-9||Humans (F)|
After a fervent week of games, playoff prospective has changed dramatically! This week also marks the lowest death count in history, 9 player deaths!
Darkside of Dredd once again shows why they are the fan favorite in this division sweeping the SBFF Valkyries. Playing a physical game, Dredd locks out the Valkyries strikers resulting in a landslide victory. The second game saw Valkyries switch their strategy looking to bash the turtles back into their shells. However, Dredd persevered and won the second game. Can anyone stop the dominating turtles?
A week of unfortunate circumstances as a flight delay caused the Thunder Claps to miss their games, resulting in default victories for the Chaos Dunk team. The Con Malamaris were involved in an accident with their entire team getting injured, unable to play their games this week against Shaolin Scumbags. Scumbags are now holding onto the second place finish, and the playoff berth for the Crimson division.
The Tenta Cools against the Handsome Bots were the upset games of the week. After losing miserably to Damage Control last week, the Tenta Cools were looking for redemption. On the other side, Handsome Bots were looking to prove that their double landslide performance last week wasn’t just a fluke. DBR-Loader #5 started this match off by squashing Hastur #11 into a purple mess. The goals came easy for both teams as they traded points in every rush. However, after a miss by Handsome Bots, the Tenta Cools end the game with a 6 point victory. Game 2 saw Handsome Bots try to reverse their fortune, but the Tenta Cools kept up their pressure. Handsome Bots fall 0-2 to the Tenta Cools this week. Both teams are still in playoff contention.
Damage Control is quickly becoming the most feared team in the league. Capsule Corp was looking up a uphill battle. Game 1 was a bloodbath as Damage Control injured all of the Capsule Corp players. #7 Dennis Dunphy scores the final 3 points on an empty field to secure the landslide victory. Game 2 resulted in some friendly fire. After Dunphy scored a strike, the relaunch of the ball hits #3 Henry Camp injuring him for the rest of the game. Capsule Corp attempted to make a comeback victory but Damage Control asserted their dominance resulting in another landslide loss for the Capsule Corp. Can anyone stop these rampaging dwarves?
Central Red Army took to the field against the struggling Stormbringers. Game 1 was the debut of Central Red Army’s new rookie guard. Eager to impress, he not only showed his physical prowess by injuring a Stormbringers player, but also killing two more. Stormbringers hold on however, losing the game 0-6 but safeguarding themselves against a landslide. Game 2 saw the physical players rest up as the strikers took over. Teams exchanged multiple 3 and 4 point strikes, but Central Red Armies strikers were more accurate resulting in another 6-0 win. Central Red Army jumps to second place looking to secure a playoff berth. Stormbringers will have an easier week next week as they play the other struggling team, Capsule Corp.
In a week of must-wins, The Crickettes took to the field against Get off My Lawn. Get off My Lawn started the match targeting Rosie, the Crickette star guard. After being triple-teamed, the star guard doesn’t flinch and survives the murderous intent of the Lawn coach. The Crickettes answer back the aggression with a landslide victory. Game 2 was past the bed-time of the Get off My Lawn players as #7 Loretta fumbled the ball in the corner repeatedly and failed to pick to even pick up the ball. In the confusion, Crickettes secure their second win. The Crickettes take the Alabaster Division #1 seed. Can they hold on, or will another team unseat them?
The Colossalnauts were against Smash and Bash this week. Smash and Bash set out to play their physical game but the Colossalnauts showed how slippery they were. The speed was too much for Smash and Bash, as the Colossalnauts win the fastest game of the season, landsliding in the 10th rush. Game 2 turned into a slugfest as both teams resorted to fouling plays. Smash and Bash attempted to stomp every human player on the ground, while the Colossalnauts sucker-punched all of the Orx guards. After some late-game strikes, in the last rush, #4 King Rusher tried to rush himself into the strikezone for a game-tying play. After some deft evades and dashes, King Rusher’s shot missed its mark, resulting in another win for the Colossalnauts. Both teams have two more weeks to secure their playoff berths.
The Rat Queens happened to be on the same flight as the Thunder Claps and also missed their games this week. The Assassin’s Charge secures the 2 default victories, moving them up to 3rd place in the division.
These last two weeks for the Crimson and Alabaster divisions will show us who will make the playoffs. In the Obsidian division, we see the top 4 players jockeying for position as the playoff hopes for the bottom 2 teams are all but lost.
Tune in next week as the playoff picture sharpens!
S01W02 DREADBALL RECAP: LANDSLIDES COME EASY
August 17, 2014 (Dreadball Coverage)
Players Wanted Dreadball League Week #2
Here are the standings after the second week!
19 Deaths this week as the second week of the season ended. Many coaches began experimenting with Cryo-regeneration. Many were saved, but players are suffering from lingering effects. Amongst the wreckage, 4 teams have shown themselves as frontrunners for the post season. The Handsomebots leaped ahead of the pack, while the Dark Side of Dredd, Smash and Bash, and Damage Control continue to show their strength. With 3 weeks to go, it’s still any team’s league.
|2||Dark Side of Dredd||Henry||8||6||Teratons|
|3||Smash and Bash||Matteo||8||1||Orx & Goblinz|
|4||Damage Control||Duncan||7||9||Forge Fathers|
|5||Central Red Army||Daniel||7||2||Veer-myn|
|6||Get Off My Lawn!||Charlie||6||6||Humans (F)|
|7||Thunder Clap||Chad||6||3||Forge Fathers|
|8||SBFF Valkyries||Vincent||6||1||Humans (F)|
|14||Chaos Dunk||Joseph||5||-2||Forge Fathers|
After missing the first week, the Thunderclaps finally showed up to play the SBFF Valkyries. The Thunderclaps were unproven and the SBFF Valkyries didn’t know what to expect. The SBFF Valkyries found out that the Thunderclaps came to hurt. The first injury of the game led to the Valkyrie death of Lenneth. Injuries were rampant, and the SBFF Valkyries coach decided that protecting his players was more important than this one game. The Thunderclaps are ones to watch out for next week!
Another team, the Con Malamaris finally get hit the field as well this week. However, the Con Malamaris were no match for the leading Dark side of Dredd. It was a hard fought match with Guards, #4 Jackson Doe and #8 DSOD battling for a third of the match in the strikezone. Dark Side of Dredd take the first game by a narrow margin, only to blow the Malamaris out of the water in the second game.
Two good friends had a fated meeting when the Shaolin Scumbags went up against Chaos Dunk. Both teams trade narrow wins. The crowd proves to be unpredictable as Frozz, from Chaos Dunk wins Match of the Match for the second time in a row for doing nothing but standing idle on the pitch! The second game ended up being a much closer affair, as #1 Bruce, of the Shaolin Scumbags made a sideways dunk in overtime to close out the game!
The #1 Tenta Cools and #2 Damage Control faced off to determine who would lead the division. In the dying moments of the game, the coach of Damage Control screamed at #9 to stand-up. #9 stumbles on the first attempt, but on the second attempt gains his footing and slams the Tenta Cool defender off of the 4-point Strike Hex allowing his team to win the game with glory. The second game showed how the Damage Control got their namesake. The Tenta Cools were reduced to only a few members, and Damage Control secures both victories.
The second match of the division pitted #5 Handsomebots and #6 Stormbringers together to determine who was truly at the bottom of the heap. The Stormbringers were ill-equipped to handle the onslaught of the Handsomebots, resulting in not just one landslide, but two landslide victories. Are we seeing a new champion emerging? Or is it just a fluke? We’ll see next week when the Handsomebots take on the weakened Tenta Cools.
The Central Red Army and Capsule Corp had a match like no other. Reminiscent of the legend of the “Red Ribbon Army” vs “Son Goku”, the match played out as if it were a global battle for world domination. Krillin, from the Capsule Corp failed 4 attempts of transformations, as typical of Krillin. The Central Red Army won the first game with a dominant landslide. Capsule Corp’s coach was unimpressed with the bald robot’s performance. In game 2, an unlikely hero emerged in the form of Yamcha, from the Capsule Corp. Enraged by the landslide loss, Yamcha kept The Central Red Army Keeper out for half the match, becoming a true physical threat, allowing his team to steal back a victory.
Colossalnauts vs. Get Off My Lawn. It was Get Off My Lawn’s first match of the season. Colossalnaut’s #2 George took full advantage of his opponent’s first-time jitters and took out #8 Ronda. As one-sided as the match was, Colossalnauts only won by a slim margin. Game 2 saw Get Off My Lawn’s coach switch strategies. Opting for a more defensive approach, Get Off My Lawn was not only able to throw the Colossalnauts off their game, but also showcased some fantastic passing towards a landslide victory. Colossalnauts coach was dumbfounded by the turnaround victory.
Thursday night was ladies night, as The Crickettes took on the Rat Queens. Both teams started strong, but The Crickettes took no prisoners. Fan Favorite, Rosie of the Crickettes, made a statement of crushing Veer-myn beneath her legs as Lola, Peaches, and Kiki were exterminated. The Rat Queens were able to secure a narrow victory, but at a very high cost. Game 2, was in stark contrast as both players and coaches began gossiping, resulting in on the field-drama taking precedent over the game. Fouls were raised, but the cat-fighting was only just beginning. The Crickettes win game 2 with a 2-point margin.
Smash and Bash, the leader of this division took on Assassin’s Charge. Smash and Bash, true to their nature played a very physical game resulting in all Assassin’s Charge players, save one, injured. With, Assassin’s Charge unable to continue, Smash and Bash take the first game by forfeit. Game 2 went the full distance as well, with casualties on both sides. Aveline II and Arno II, from the Assassin’s Charge, and King Basher, from Smash and Bash were carried out on stretchers never to be seen again. In tribute of his brethren’s death, King Slasher scores in overtime, sweeping Assassin’s Charge this week.
Which teams will hold onto their position, and which teams will make an attempt towards the head of the pack? Tune in next week as we pass the halfway point of the season!
S01W01 DREADBALL REVIEW: 16 DEAD, 5 INJURED, AFTER DREADED OPENING WEEK
August 13, 2014 (Dreadball Coverage)
Teams wasted no time getting down to business during the first round of the Players Wanted inaugural Dreadball season, with 16 players beaten to scrap metal in their opening week match-ups.
The Shaolin Scumbags took the brunt of the slaughter, with 6 players sent straight to the scrap yard by the end of their second game. The team’s coach sought cryogenic experimentation to recover 3 more wounded in the first heat, but Jet, the sole 3-point scorer of the match, also succumbed to his injuries. The bittersweet win, was followed by more bloodshed and slim 1-0 loss to the Dark Side of Dredd.
Despite a very physical match-up between Damage Control and the Central Red Army, both teams walked away surprisingly unscathed. Even a triple team by the unrelenting Z’zor in Game 1 wasn’t enough to take down Damage Control’s Frank Castle, who walked away from the altercation without injury. #4, Brian Calusky, who’s injuries were beyond treatment, was not so lucky. Unimpressed by Central Red Army’s barbaric tactics, Castle and Calusky’s teammates responded aggressively in Game 2, though only managing to knock one of CRA’s seemingly invincible players out for 3 rounds, on a slamback. The match-up ended with each team taking a win.
Handsomebots vs Capsule Corp, and Crickettes vs Assassin’s Charge, also saw some great pair-ups, with each team adding a win to their standings. The Handsomebots showed great focus in Game 1, sending Capsule Corp’s Yamcha to the Cryo Bay, and pulling out a last turn, 3 pointer for the 2-0 win. Capsule Corp put their corporate synergy to good use in Game 2, with Krillin feeding a pass to Bulma to score the winning goal, and take a 4-0 victory. Despite the Crickette’s best efforts to immobilise the Assassin’s Charge, sending #6, Connor to the scrapyard in the first rush of the game, the Teraton’s pulled out a 4-0 win over relentless Z’zor. The Crickette’s persistence paid off in Game 2, however, with a moderate 2-0 win, and the scrapping of AC’s #4, Arno.
One of the most entertaining matches of the week had to be that of the Rat Queens vs Colossalnauts. These crowd favourites kept the fans entertained, even as Game 1 entered it’s 4th overtime. Not to disappoint, the Rat Queen’s #62 pulled off a huge 4 point play to win the game. Game 2 saw things get down and dirty, with the RQ’s #77 tripping up her opponent on more than one occasion. Their questionable tactics saw the Colossalnauts’ Stewart to the scrapyard, though they were not enough to save them from a 6-0 loss to the humans.
Not to be outdone, Tenta Cools followed up their 1-0 loss to the Stormbringers, in 13th overtime of Game 1 (you heard me correctly!), with a 7-0 landslide win in Game 2. The outcome came as a shock to many, as Stormbringers pulled out the first game win, despite being outnumbered 2-1. This match-up of extremes was met with mixed reviews from various teams and officials, with many commenting on the sportmanship of the landslide victory. Both teams saw player losses.
This was not the only game to receive scrutiny, as a clumsy Frozz received Man of the Match, in Game 1 of the Chaos Dunk vs SBFF Valkyries match-up. Though an unconventional choice, considering Frozz’s apparent ineptitude and 3 failed attempts to simply stand-up, the decision was upheld, and the crowd went wild! 2 player losses aside, the Valkyries edged out the Chaos Dunk for a 1-0 win. Game 2 came to a standstill with Freija stalling for 8 whole rushes, and no player casualties to report. Seeing Game 1’s result as a little too close for comfort, the SBFF Valkyries made sure to drive it home in Game 2 for a 3 point win, and prove that it wasn’t any fluke.
Thunder Clap finished week 1 atop the standings with the only other double win of the week. With a ruthless start to the season, more carnage is sure to follow as the second week of play gets under way.