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S01W03 DREADBALL RECAP: ORGANIZATIONAL WOES

August 27, 2014 (Dreadball Coverage)

Players Wanted Dreadball League – Week 3 Recap

RankTeam NameCoachPointsScoreRace
1Damage ControlDuncan1323Forge Fathers
2Dark Side of DreddHenry1314Teratons
3Central Red ArmyDaniel1114Z’zors
4The CrickettesTucky119Z’zors
5HandsomebotsColton112Robots
6Tenta CoolsEdward109Nameless
7ColossalnautsVuong106Humans (M)
8Shaolin ScumbagsJoe100Astarians
9Assassin’s ChargeAndrew91Teratons
10Chaos DunkJoseph9-2Forge Fathers
11Smash and BashMatteo9-9Orx & Goblinz
12Thunder ClapChad83Forge Fathers
13Rat QueensRiley8-3Veer-myn
14Get Off My Lawn!Charlie7-4Humans (F)
15Con MalamarisKris7-8Nameless
16SBFF ValkyriesVincent7-9Humans (F)
17Capsule CorpAJ5-16Robots
18StormbringersTanner4-32Teratons

After a fervent week of games, playoff prospective has changed dramatically! This week also marks the lowest death count in history, 9 player deaths!

Crimson Division

Darkside of Dredd once again shows why they are the fan favorite in this division sweeping the SBFF Valkyries. Playing a physical game, Dredd locks out the Valkyries strikers resulting in a landslide victory. The second game saw Valkyries switch their strategy looking to bash the turtles back into their shells. However, Dredd persevered and won the second game. Can anyone stop the dominating turtles?

A week of unfortunate circumstances as a flight delay caused the Thunder Claps to miss their games, resulting in default victories for the Chaos Dunk team. The Con Malamaris were involved in an accident with their entire team getting injured, unable to play their games this week against Shaolin Scumbags. Scumbags are now holding onto the second place finish, and the playoff berth for the Crimson division.

Obsidian Division

The Tenta Cools against the Handsome Bots were the upset games of the week. After losing miserably to Damage Control last week, the Tenta Cools were looking for redemption. On the other side, Handsome Bots were looking to prove that their double landslide performance last week wasn’t just a fluke. DBR-Loader #5 started this match off by squashing Hastur #11 into a purple mess. The goals came easy for both teams as they traded points in every rush. However, after a miss by Handsome Bots, the Tenta Cools end the game with a 6 point victory. Game 2 saw Handsome Bots try to reverse their fortune, but the Tenta Cools kept up their pressure. Handsome Bots fall 0-2 to the Tenta Cools this week. Both teams are still in playoff contention.

Damage Control is quickly becoming the most feared team in the league. Capsule Corp was looking up a uphill battle. Game 1 was a bloodbath as Damage Control injured all of the Capsule Corp players. #7 Dennis Dunphy scores the final 3 points on an empty field to secure the landslide victory. Game 2 resulted in some friendly fire. After Dunphy scored a strike, the relaunch of the ball hits #3 Henry Camp injuring him for the rest of the game. Capsule Corp attempted to make a comeback victory but Damage Control asserted their dominance resulting in another landslide loss for the Capsule Corp. Can anyone stop these rampaging dwarves?

Central Red Army took to the field against the struggling Stormbringers. Game 1 was the debut of Central Red Army’s new rookie guard. Eager to impress, he not only showed his physical prowess by injuring a Stormbringers player, but also killing two more. Stormbringers hold on however, losing the game 0-6 but safeguarding themselves against a landslide. Game 2 saw the physical players rest up as the strikers took over. Teams exchanged multiple 3 and 4 point strikes, but Central Red Armies strikers were more accurate resulting in another 6-0 win. Central Red Army jumps to second place looking to secure a playoff berth. Stormbringers will have an easier week next week as they play the other struggling team, Capsule Corp.

Alabaster Division

In a week of must-wins, The Crickettes took to the field against Get off My Lawn. Get off My Lawn started the match targeting Rosie, the Crickette star guard. After being triple-teamed, the star guard doesn’t flinch and survives the murderous intent of the Lawn coach. The Crickettes answer back the aggression with a landslide victory. Game 2 was past the bed-time of the Get off My Lawn players as #7 Loretta fumbled the ball in the corner repeatedly and failed to pick to even pick up the ball. In the confusion, Crickettes secure their second win. The Crickettes take the Alabaster Division #1 seed. Can they hold on, or will another team unseat them?

The Colossalnauts were against Smash and Bash this week. Smash and Bash set out to play their physical game but the Colossalnauts showed how slippery they were. The speed was too much for Smash and Bash, as the Colossalnauts win the fastest game of the season, landsliding in the 10th rush. Game 2 turned into a slugfest as both teams resorted to fouling plays. Smash and Bash attempted to stomp every human player on the ground, while the Colossalnauts sucker-punched all of the Orx guards. After some late-game strikes, in the last rush, #4 King Rusher tried to rush himself into the strikezone for a game-tying play. After some deft evades and dashes, King Rusher’s shot missed its mark, resulting in another win for the Colossalnauts. Both teams have two more weeks to secure their playoff berths.

The Rat Queens happened to be on the same flight as the Thunder Claps and also missed their games this week. The Assassin’s Charge secures the 2 default victories, moving them up to 3rd place in the division.

These last two weeks for the Crimson and Alabaster divisions will show us who will make the playoffs. In the Obsidian division, we see the top 4 players jockeying for position as the playoff hopes for the bottom 2 teams are all but lost.

Tune in next week as the playoff picture sharpens!

S01W02 DREADBALL RECAP: LANDSLIDES COME EASY

August 17, 2014 (Dreadball Coverage)

Players Wanted Dreadball League Week #2

Here are the standings after the second week!

19 Deaths this week as the second week of the season ended. Many coaches began experimenting with Cryo-regeneration. Many were saved, but players are suffering from lingering effects. Amongst the wreckage, 4 teams have shown themselves as frontrunners for the post season. The Handsomebots leaped ahead of the pack, while the Dark Side of Dredd, Smash and Bash, and Damage Control continue to show their strength. With 3 weeks to go, it’s still any team’s league.

RankTeam NameCoachPointsScoreRace
1HandsomebotsColton912Robots
2Dark Side of DreddHenry86Teratons
3Smash and BashMatteo81Orx & Goblinz
4Damage ControlDuncan79Forge Fathers
5Central Red ArmyDaniel72Veer-myn
6Get Off My Lawn!Charlie66Humans (F)
7Thunder ClapChad63Forge Fathers
8SBFF ValkyriesVincent61Humans (F)
9Shaolin ScumbagsJoe60Astarians
10The CrickettesTucky6-1Robots
11Tenta CoolsEdward6-1Nameless
12Rat QueensRiley6-3Z’zor
13Assassin’s ChargeAndrew51Teratons
14Chaos DunkJoseph5-2Forge Fathers
15Capsule CorpAJ5-2Z’zors
16ColossalnautsVuong5-4Humans (M)
17Con MalamarisKris5-8Nameless
18StormbringersTanner2-20Teratons

 

Crimson Division:

After missing the first week, the Thunderclaps finally showed up to play the SBFF Valkyries. The Thunderclaps were unproven and the SBFF Valkyries didn’t know what to expect. The SBFF Valkyries found out that the Thunderclaps came to hurt. The first injury of the game led to the Valkyrie death of Lenneth. Injuries were rampant, and the SBFF Valkyries coach decided that protecting his players was more important than this one game. The Thunderclaps are ones to watch out for next week!

Another team, the Con Malamaris finally get hit the field as well this week. However, the Con Malamaris were no match for the leading Dark side of Dredd. It was a hard fought match with Guards, #4 Jackson Doe and #8 DSOD battling for a third of the match in the strikezone. Dark Side of Dredd take the first game by a narrow margin, only to blow the Malamaris out of the water in the second game.

Two good friends had a fated meeting when the Shaolin Scumbags went up against Chaos Dunk. Both teams trade narrow wins. The crowd proves to be unpredictable as Frozz, from Chaos Dunk wins Match of the Match for the second time in a row for doing nothing but standing idle on the pitch! The second game ended up being a much closer affair, as #1 Bruce, of the Shaolin Scumbags made a sideways dunk in overtime to close out the game!

Obsidian Division:

The #1 Tenta Cools and #2 Damage Control faced off to determine who would lead the division. In the dying moments of the game, the coach of Damage Control screamed at #9 to stand-up. #9 stumbles on the first attempt, but on the second attempt gains his footing and slams the Tenta Cool defender off of the 4-point Strike Hex allowing his team to win the game with glory. The second game showed how the Damage Control got their namesake. The Tenta Cools were reduced to only a few members, and Damage Control secures both victories.

The second match of the division pitted #5 Handsomebots and #6 Stormbringers together to determine who was truly at the bottom of the heap. The Stormbringers were ill-equipped to handle the onslaught of the Handsomebots, resulting in not just one landslide, but two landslide victories. Are we seeing a new champion emerging? Or is it just a fluke? We’ll see next week when the Handsomebots take on the weakened Tenta Cools.

The Central Red Army and Capsule Corp had a match like no other. Reminiscent of the legend of the “Red Ribbon Army” vs “Son Goku”, the match played out as if it were a global battle for world domination. Krillin, from the Capsule Corp failed 4 attempts of transformations, as typical of Krillin. The Central Red Army won the first game with a dominant landslide. Capsule Corp’s coach was unimpressed with the bald robot’s performance. In game 2, an unlikely hero emerged in the form of Yamcha, from the Capsule Corp. Enraged by the landslide loss, Yamcha kept The Central Red Army Keeper out for half the match, becoming a true physical threat, allowing his team to steal back a victory.

Alabaster Division:

Colossalnauts vs. Get Off My Lawn. It was Get Off My Lawn’s first match of the season. Colossalnaut’s #2 George took full advantage of his opponent’s first-time jitters and took out #8 Ronda. As one-sided as the match was, Colossalnauts only won by a slim margin. Game 2 saw Get Off My Lawn’s coach switch strategies. Opting for a more defensive approach, Get Off My Lawn was not only able to throw the Colossalnauts off their game, but also showcased some fantastic passing towards a landslide victory. Colossalnauts coach was dumbfounded by the turnaround victory.

Thursday night was ladies night, as The Crickettes took on the Rat Queens. Both teams started strong, but The Crickettes took no prisoners. Fan Favorite, Rosie of the Crickettes, made a statement of crushing Veer-myn beneath her legs as Lola, Peaches, and Kiki were exterminated. The Rat Queens were able to secure a narrow victory, but at a very high cost. Game 2, was in stark contrast as both players and coaches began gossiping, resulting in on the field-drama taking precedent over the game. Fouls were raised, but the cat-fighting was only just beginning. The Crickettes win game 2 with a 2-point margin.

Smash and Bash, the leader of this division took on Assassin’s Charge. Smash and Bash, true to their nature played a very physical game resulting in all Assassin’s Charge players, save one, injured. With, Assassin’s Charge unable to continue, Smash and Bash take the first game by forfeit. Game 2 went the full distance as well, with casualties on both sides. Aveline II and Arno II, from the Assassin’s Charge, and King Basher, from Smash and Bash were carried out on stretchers never to be seen again. In tribute of his brethren’s death, King Slasher scores in overtime, sweeping Assassin’s Charge this week.

Which teams will hold onto their position, and which teams will make an attempt towards the head of the pack? Tune in next week as we pass the halfway point of the season!

 

S01W01 DREADBALL REVIEW: 16 DEAD, 5 INJURED, AFTER DREADED OPENING WEEK

August 13, 2014 (Dreadball Coverage)

Teams wasted no time getting down to business during the first round of the Players Wanted inaugural Dreadball season, with 16 players beaten to scrap metal in their opening week match-ups.

The Shaolin Scumbags took the brunt of the slaughter, with 6 players sent straight to the scrap yard by the end of their second game.  The team’s coach sought cryogenic experimentation to recover 3 more wounded in the first heat, but Jet, the sole 3-point scorer of the match, also succumbed to his injuries.  The bittersweet win, was followed by more bloodshed and slim 1-0 loss to the Dark Side of Dredd.

Despite a very physical match-up between Damage Control and the Central Red Army, both teams walked away surprisingly unscathed.  Even a triple team by the unrelenting Z’zor in Game 1 wasn’t enough to take down Damage Control’s Frank Castle, who walked away from the altercation without injury.  #4, Brian Calusky, who’s injuries were beyond treatment, was not so lucky.  Unimpressed by Central Red Army’s barbaric tactics, Castle and Calusky’s teammates responded aggressively in Game 2, though only managing to knock one of  CRA’s seemingly invincible players out for 3 rounds, on a slamback.  The match-up ended with each team taking a win.

Handsomebots vs Capsule Corp, and Crickettes vs Assassin’s Charge, also saw some great pair-ups, with each team adding a win to their standings.  The Handsomebots showed great focus in Game 1, sending Capsule Corp’s Yamcha to the Cryo Bay, and pulling out a last turn, 3 pointer for the 2-0 win.  Capsule Corp put their corporate synergy to good use in Game 2, with Krillin feeding a pass to Bulma to score the winning goal, and take a 4-0 victory.  Despite the Crickette’s best efforts to immobilise  the Assassin’s Charge, sending #6, Connor to the scrapyard in the first rush of the game, the Teraton’s pulled out a 4-0 win over relentless Z’zor.  The Crickette’s persistence paid off in Game 2, however, with a moderate 2-0 win, and the scrapping of AC’s #4, Arno.

One of the most entertaining matches of the week had to be that of the Rat Queens vs Colossalnauts. These crowd favourites kept the fans entertained, even as Game 1 entered it’s 4th overtime.  Not to disappoint, the Rat Queen’s #62 pulled off a huge 4 point play to win the game.  Game 2 saw things get down and dirty, with the RQ’s #77 tripping up her opponent on more than one occasion.  Their questionable tactics saw the Colossalnauts’ Stewart to the scrapyard, though they were not enough to save them from a 6-0 loss to the humans.

Not to be outdone, Tenta Cools followed up their 1-0 loss to the Stormbringers, in 13th overtime  of Game 1 (you heard me correctly!), with a 7-0 landslide win in Game 2.  The outcome came as a shock to many, as Stormbringers pulled out the first game win, despite being outnumbered 2-1.  This match-up of extremes was met with mixed reviews from various teams and officials, with many commenting on the sportmanship of the landslide victory.  Both teams saw player losses.

This was not the only game to receive scrutiny, as a clumsy Frozz received Man of the Match, in Game 1 of the Chaos Dunk vs SBFF Valkyries match-up.  Though an unconventional choice, considering Frozz’s apparent ineptitude and 3 failed attempts to simply stand-up, the decision was upheld, and the crowd went wild!  2 player losses aside, the Valkyries edged out the Chaos Dunk for a 1-0 win.  Game 2 came to a standstill with Freija stalling for 8 whole rushes, and no player casualties to report.  Seeing Game 1’s result as a little too close for comfort, the SBFF Valkyries made sure to drive it home in Game 2 for a 3 point win, and prove that it wasn’t any fluke.

Thunder Clap finished week 1 atop the standings with the only other double win of the week.  With a ruthless start to the season, more carnage is sure to follow as the second week of play gets under way.